silent

20th november 2012.. i will remember this date forever.. i feel so dumb, useless, looser, n everything that make my heart break into pieces when thinking about my master by research.. 
i had presented my work to my SV.. but everything fail..
lastly he asked me..
SV: shayuni, do you understand what are you doing now? me: yessss.. but..... hmmmm.. *sad face SV: i think u lost.. am i right? me: *silent SV: why don't u come see me when u have problem? u can't be like this.. u do master by research u know.. u need 8 hours per day to do ur work not including weekend.. but if u can do in weekend, u will be excellent i guess.. u r not the lazy type.. i know u can do it, that is why u are under me.. now, u just lost n u don't know what are u supposed to do with ur research..  me: i'm sorry prof.. i am lost.. SV: then come see me.. i'll try make u understand.. don't be silent.. if not, u can't do anything..

people, don't u feel what i feel? i feel i really can't make it n i want to give up.. full stop!
i cried all the day n night.. 3 days..
i told gg my problems n he said:  sabar.. baby boleh nye.. percaya lah.. kalau baby g keje pon, stress jugak taw.. x semua tempat kite keje tu best.. mula2 kn.. memang la cmni.. sabar ea sayang..
n i just like: cakap senang lah.. sabar sabar sabar.. sampai bile nak sabar?? *crying

then i just share with my other friends.. n i feel like ---                      |                      |                      V

last person is nurul izzati.. why on the earth, i don't know that i have her in my life.. i told her everything.. everything..

u know what i feel really calm.. suddenly i stop crying..

she said to me:

weh npe? janganla.. dulu aku benti pon sbb aku x phm.. tp skang aku xde keje lg.. ag sedeh.. ko da sparuh jln pstu da leh jd lcturer.. ko kne sabar.. mule2 mmg ah rse cmtu.. ko kne usaha.. ko x payah ah pikir psl nk benti.. susa2 dulu, senang2 kemudian.. klu stress ko balik rumah.. ckp mak ko..

:)

i really glad that i  have them in my life.. gg n zati..

only in the hard time, we know who is our true friend..

thanks Allah..

n this morning, my mom call asked me if i have problem sebab beliau rase x sedap hati..

i told her everything that i am going through now..

again i cry..

she said:

mma yakin k.long boleh buat.. jangan mngalah.. usaha.. jagan fikir pon bnde2 negatif nak benti lah apelah sbb bnde tu la akan melemahkan smngt kite.. skang fikir cm mne nk baiki blik slh tu dan usaha lebih lagi.. bnde ni nak rajin jer.. kalau k.long rase xde kawan nak luah perasaan, mma ade..klu k.long x leh balik, mma leh g sane.. bukan jaoh pon.. x payah pikir la psl org laen.. skang teruskan.. jangan mngalah.. ape2 ckp mma.. jgn simpan sorng2.. senyap jer.. klu mma x call tnye khabar, die xkn call.. haih bdk ni srg..

LIFE IS KNOCKED ME DOWN A FEW TIMES..

I'VE SEEN THINGS I NEVER WANT TO SEE AGAIN..

BUT I'LL ALWAYS GET BACK UP, I WILL NEVER STAY DOWN..

thanks mama..

thanks gg..

thanks zati..

thank you ALLAH..

:)

THE PAST IS WHERE YOU LEARNED THE LESSON..

THE FUTURE WHERE YOU APPLY THE LESSON..

DON'T GIVE UP IN THE MIDDLE..

till then fellas..